clueless
by XxEuphemism
Summary: Nothing works out for Sakura Haruno. Especially not when Anko paired her up with Sasuke Uchiha to dress as Romeo and Juliet for Halloween. Sakura's got only one thing to say to that - "Well fuck you too, Anko-sensei". AU. SakuXSasu.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. /doesntwanttogetsued**

* * *

Chapter 1: Through Yonder Shit Happens

* * *

A face popped out of the bushes with a roar, its eyes rolled to the back of its head. Blood stained the pale face from the forehead down, the skin peeled back to flash the red tissue underneath.

Simultaneously, three differently pitched shrieks pierced the air, and the owners of the voices dashed to hide behind their red-headed friend.

After a few seconds of morbid fear, Sakura recognized the person behind the blood and stomped her foot. "DAMMIT, NARUTO!"

Ino, upon hearing the name of the attacker, poked her head out from behind Karin's back; her face was twisted with rage. "YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME, JACKASS!"

Naruto couldn't hold his scary face any longer and his eyes rolled back into place as his loud and victorious guffaws made their ears ring. "YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR FACES!"

He stuck a finger out at the three girls mockingly while holding his stomach with his other hand, laughing.

Tenten, thoroughly pissed from being ambushed all day, could only straighten up, sigh, and massage her temples, silently reasoning with herself that it was a _bad_ idea to maim her classmates.

Seeing their unamused faces, Naruto sobered up a bit.

"Come _on_, guys," he grinned. "It was a joke – right Karin?"

The only girl unshaken in the group was Karin, and she stood as the mighty rock of cool indifference between the ghosts ... and her easily frightened friends. She didn't even turn at Naruto's sudden intrusion, and now her bright, ruby eyes darkened to fix a dark glare at Naruto.

"Stop screwing around with my friends, jackass."

The hyperactive blonde visibly deflated, his shoulders hunching in disappointment. "Guys! It's almost Halloween – loosen up a bit!"

Sakura folded her arms, her teeth clenched. "Yeah, sure it's fun. … Until you get pranked _fourteen _times."

At that, Naruto doubled over once more with laughter. Gasping for breath, he managed to wheeze out, "Yeah, I know! I can't believe you guys fall for it EVERY SINGLE TIME!"

A vein throbbed in Sakura's temple. Then, without warning, she demonstrated an impressive roundhouse kick.

The other girls looked away without remorse as a male body made contact with a nearby tree. They clapped for their friend's impressive achievement.

"10 out of 10, Forehead. That was amazing."

* * *

**Status Update from Naruto:** "In the clinic. DAMN LADY WON'T LET ME LEAVE, DATTEBEYO!"

Tag: Sakura

**Comments:**

**Kiba:** BAHAHA YOU GOT BEAT UP BY A CHICK, YOU PUSSY.

**Naruto:** SHUT THE FUCK UP, DOG. BESIDES, I CAN'T FIGHT BACK – SHE'S A GIRL.

**Sakura:** If you pull that prank again, I'll cut off your balls and feed them to the cows.

**Kiba:** … Harsh.

**Naruto:** PSH. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT COWS ARE GRASSIVORES. THEY DON'T EAT MEAT, MAN.

* * *

Five girls were all sprawled out inside Room 19, comfortably settling in their favorite spots, the light of their phones illuminating their faces in an almost sickly white glow.

Hinata was the first to drop her phone in a tired sigh, drawing her arms and legs together so that she could further cuddle with the stuffed bear in her grasp. "Is anyone else tired of this?"

Her soft question provoked multiple groans from the other residents, confirming her suspicions.

"Damn these guys," Sakura grumbled, tapping more forcefully on her phone as she texted. "If we had remained an all-girls' compartment, this wouldn't be a problem."

Tenten threw her own phone to the side and fell back so that she was sprawled across the bed. "It's all the new freshmen suddenly flocking to our school. The school's cheap and doesn't want to expand, so…" She meshed her hands together as visual demonstration. "Gender squash."

"Lighten _up_, girls!" Ino pushed with a large, encouraging smile. "Mixing the students was the _best_ thing that ever happened to this lame-ass school."

The pink haired girl threw her friend an exasperated look over her text messages. "Oh shut up, Pig. You're just happy that you're catching the attention of about _half_ the male population here."

"Fat whore," Tenten muttered under her breath, a taunting smile pulling on the corners of her mouth.

This comment was followed by a hot pink pillow aimed for the face - an attack which caught the brunette by surprise. Tenten let out a girlish squeal as she was hit square in the jaw.

Blue eyes glared fiercely at her roommate, another pillow at the ready. "YOU _WANNA_ DIE EARLY, BITCH?"

Tenten was about to retaliate with a pillow-chuck of her own when a stern and annoyed voice cut through the playful anger.

"_Stop_ that, damn it!"

The two bickering girls turned to look at the redhead occupying the bed closest to the door, and shrunk under her withering look. "There are literally _ten_ mugs of coffee in this room, and _some_ of us-" at this, she turned to Ino, "-have the tendency to knock shit over, so there's _no_ reason to start World War III in here!"

"But _Kari-i-in_," Ino whined, dragging out the 'i' sound of her friend's name. "That bitch called me a 'fat whore'! SHE DESERVES PUNISHMENT!"

Scarlet eyes turned now to the tomboy in the group with a gaze that all mothers had perfected. "Don't provoke the bear, Tenten."

Ino stuck her tongue out victoriously at the brunette. "Yeah, Tenten, don't provoke—_BEAR_?" The blonde spun around to face Karin with an incredulous face. "_REALLY?_ TAKE HER SIDE, WHY DON'T YOU."

Sensing danger, Sakura slowly got up from her relaxed slouch on the bed and slipped off the comfortable mattress. "I have to go to a Student Council meeting, guys."

Hinata looked up in alarm and quickly jumped off her own bed. She squeaked as she landed awkwardly on the ground, but quickly recovered and followed Sakura out the door.

Her pale eyes were wide as she fought to keep up with Sakura's fast pace. "There's a meeting today?"

Sakura scoffed, now that they were far enough away from the room. "No. I just wanted to get out of there."

The Hyuuga heiress visibly relaxed, heaving a sigh of relief… and then sent the pink haired girl an angry pout that only looked cute to the receiving end. "D-Dammit, Sakura-chan! You scared me!"

Sakura's laughter echoed through the hallway as she pulled her friend into a warm hug. "Love you, Hinata." 

* * *

**Status Update from Hinata Hyuuga:** "With Halloween coming up, my trips to the clinic are becoming more frequent…"

Tag: sad

**Comments:**

**Tenten**: Meaning you're staying inside the dorm. Whether you like it or not.

**Ino**: DAMN STRAIGHTCHU ARE. YOU ARE OUR ADORABLE PRISONER. We'll feed you. I PROMISE. -ILOVEYOU-

**Karin**: Give the girl a break – she needs _sunlight_, for pete's sake!

**Sakura**: Nooooo. As much as I love Hinata, that much fainting isn't good for her heart.

**Ino:** PLUS, SHE BURNS LIKE EGGS IN A PAN WHEN EXPOSED TO THE SUN.

**Karin**: … SPF 300?

**Hinata**: Q_Q

* * *

Sakura blinked as the bucket was shoved into her arms first, the plastic container filled to the brim with folded slips of paper.

"Alright, underlings," Anko started, walking around with an air like that of a sergeant. "I gave each of the males a number as they walked into the room. The girls will pick a random number and whomever has the same number _will be your partners_, capisce?"

After a moment's hesitation, Sakura reached her hand into the bucket, looking away so that no one could accuse her for cheating later. She shuffled her hand around a bit and then grabbed a slip.

The minute she had her paper in hand, Anko snatched the container from her grasp and handed it to the next person, obviously wanting to get this over with so that she could retire to her office again.

Sakura opened her folded paper. She was met with a big and hastily scribbled 9. The words 'Romeo and Juliet' were written underneath in smaller font.

As she was staring at her number, Anko passed around the bucket to the rest of the girls, explaining the instructions as she did so. "This is a Halloween project, fellow convicts, and you _will be_ _serious_ about this; it's our first year attempting this shit so _don't screw up_." At this, she glared at a few kids known for troublemaking in the room.

"The theme voted by the student body is 'romance', SO," she paused, an evil smile on her face. "Start flirting – shouldn't be hard, since you have to act out the characters assigned anyway. I'm sure all you prudes will find this assignment positively _delightful._ FIND YOUR PARTNERS – GO!"

Sakura blinked, staring blankly at her paper for a bit, and then looked up to meet Hinata's equally bewildered gaze.

The bubblegum haired girl grimaced and mouthed, "_Romance?_"

Hinata was frozen in place, her shock slowly changing to horror. She took a shaky step toward her friend. "S-Sakura—"

However, a hand grabbed Hinata's shoulder before she could really go anywhere, and the shy girl visibly tensed.

"Hey – you've got my number, dattebeyo!"

Sakura recognized the blonde immediately, and rolled a sleeve up threateningly. If Naruto put a _toe_ out of line she'd—

At the felt someone's presence behind her like a chill on her shoulder, and she froze. She turned slowly, dreading what... or who she was going to see.

Standing there, glaring down at her like she hadn't bathed in a month, was Sasuke Uchiha.

Beryl irises stared, not really believing what stood before her. She looked down at her number, and then at the number in his hand. Then at her number… and his again.

They matched.

Her curse was a harsh whisper, cursing whoever was up there, cruelly dictating her fate. _"Fuck."_

* * *

**Status Update from Naruto:** "Got paired up with a cute girl for a project, dattebeyo! HOW LUCKY AM I?"

Tag: Hinata

**Comments:**

**Sakura:** I'm warning you...

**Hinata:** Sakura-chan, stop!

**Ino:** ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HER, AND YOU'RE _DEAD_, UZUMAKI! DEADDDD!

**Tenten:** ^ Ditto.

**Naruto: **DAYUM. You guys don't trust me or somethin'?

**Hinata:** … I need to talk to you three when class is over.

**Ino: **:o RUN GUISE.

* * *

Sakura couldn't see how her situation could be any worse.

Out of _all _the guys in the room, she got Sasuke freaking Uchiha.

The ice cube.

The one with the ever-present 'don't-talk-to-me-or-I'll-maim-you' vibes.

And _more importantly, _the school hottie, as of late.

Oh, she could _feel_ the raging fangirls now. Hell, her back was_ already_ tingling from the death glares so graciously sent from just the females in this room.

_It's a given. I'm going to die. _

She shifted her position in the chair so that her back was to all the sudden enemies she gained and awkwardly cleared her throat. Currently she was sitting at a small, two-person table, Sasuke leaned back into his chair cooly just across her.

_Dammi-i-i-it._

"So. Romeo and Juliet."

Sasuke looked away, obviously already disinterested. "Hn."

Sakura pressed her lips together in frustration.

_Three seconds in and my partner already hates my guts._

Sure, her attempt at light conversation was lame, but he might as well politely play along. If they were going to awkward-silence the shit out of the evening, they might as well do it with failed attempts of conversation from _both_ sides.

She put her hands on her hips. "Hey. Sasuke. My face is _over here_."

She waved her hands in front of said face, earning an annoyed look from her male counterpart.

But hey – she got his attention back.

She spoke quickly so that he wouldn't lose interest again. "Here's the deal – we find our own costumes, meet up later for approval from each other, and then read over the play so we can fit into our parts, alright? The day before Halloween we can meet up and rehearse or… whatever."

Her proposal was met with silence, though she liked to imagine that the annoyance vanished from his face. She couldn't really tell though – he looked the same to her no matter _how_ she inspected his features.

It was like looking at a slab of rock.

When two seconds passed and he hadn't responded, Sakura raised her eyebrows expectantly. "Deal?"

She glanced over to Hinata and found her shyly chatting up the hyperactive blonde with a smile on her face, a red flush dusted over her cheeks.

A grunt brought her attention back to her own partner. Apparently, he had said something as she daydreamed.

Her eyelashes fluttered in embarrassment. "Excuse me, what?"

Sasuke shot her a scathing glare. "I _said_… deal."

* * *

**Status Update from Sakura Haruno:** "WHAT DOES 'HN' EVEN MEAN?"

Tag: Can't communicate with partner

**Comments:**

**Naruto:** BAHAHAHAHA YOU GOT THE BASTARD, DIDN'T YOU? LMAO YOU POOR SAP.

**Sakura:** HE SPEAKS IN CAVEMAN.

**Ino:** ASD;LFKJASL;DFJa;lkjfl;qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq YOU'RE-PAIRED-WITH-SASUKE-UCHIHA-OMFG-HOOK-ME-UP-_HOOKMEUPPP_

**Karin:** I actually agree with Ino on this one. He's a total hottie if I've ever seen one.

**Naruto:** HEY. HEY. WHAT ABOUT ME, LADIES?

**Sakura:** YOU GUYS ARE MY FRIENDS, RIGHT? SWITCH PLACES WITH ME.

**Ino:** FUCK YES I'D LOVE TO.

**Naruto: **Oh yeah sure I'll switch- OH WAIT. I'M NOT GAY FOR PRETTY BOYS WITH STICKS STUCK UP THEIR ASSES. I have a cute partner anyway. So ha.

**Sakura:** GTFO, NARUTO.

**Anko:** Against the rules, maggots. YOU SWITCH, I FAIL YOU.

**Sakura:** … $(*%&#$($*# )%(% WHY-DID-I-ADD-YOU-ON-MY-CONTACTS.

**Ino:** YOU'VE CRUSHED MY HOPES AND DREAMS, ANKO-SENSEI. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. /heartbreak

**Anko:** I am. Very much so.

* * *

"**A word to the wise isn't necessary - it's the stupid people who need advice." - Bill Cosby**

**A/N: 'Till next time, my lovelies. CHAO!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just like to act as if I do.**

**A/N: Sometimes, I wonder what the theme song to my life would sound like. PROBABLY SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF STATIC. Varying patterns of static… o_o**

* * *

Chapter 2: To Ambush Or Not to Ambush

* * *

"_Positions, guys."_

"_Are all the slingshots set, Tenten?"_

"_Ready to go."_

"_Someone better take a picture of his face."_

At this, four grins widened behind phones.

It wasn't long before Ino's voice came in, full of mischief.

"_Bitch sighted."_

Tenten, hidden behind a bush, checked the time on her phone and snickered.

"_Right on time. Poor bastard."_

"_ALRIGHT, SHUT THE HELL UP - HE'S GETTING CLOSE. I'M COUNTING TO THREE, OKAY?"_

There were no sarcastic comments then. Everyone was tense, their senses heightened from adrenaline.

"_Three…"_

Hands grabbed for the ropes they were assigned to, each face lined with a sort of anticipating grimness.

"_Two…"_

Grips tightened on strings, muscles tensing.

"_One…"_

A dark figure came into sight, sluggishly walking along the darkened path, one arm raised in a stretch and the other one covering a large yawn. Though the sky was dark, the telltale shaggy, blonde hair helped the girls identify the person.

He was completely unaware of the danger that hid in the greenery around him – painfully vulnerable.

"_PULL!"_

Three arms jerked backwards simultaneously, yanking the strings with all their might.

There was a bloodcurdling scream of terror as a lone soul was bombarded from all sides from the shadows.

* * *

**Status Update from Naruto:** "I WAS JUST RAIDED WITH QUESTIONABLE AMMO. MOTHER OF RAMEN, WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?"

Tag: WHATTHEFUCK

**Comments:**

Ino: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH VENGEANCE IS SO SWEET!

Karin: Questionable ammo = gym socks loaded with onions.

Naruto: HOLY SHET. YOU GIRLS ARE FUCKING MERCILESS.

Karin: We spared you. Trust me.

Sakura: We were originally going to attack you with loaded tampons- WATER, MIND YOU.

Tenten: We should've gone through with it. (regretful face)

Kiba: NOT ONLY IS HE STINKING UP THE ROOM, he's also crouched in the corner with an armful of ramen.

Ino: What, with his emergency stash? Does he look like a frightened animal?

Kiba: Uh. Yes to both.

Ino: _Wonderful. _(smile)

* * *

Sakura wasn't a complete dumbass – the minute she came back from that cursed student council meeting, she ran straight for her locker.

She knew how those fangirls worked, always aiming to make the lives of their victims as miserable as possible little by little… and they _always_ started with lockers.

She yanked open the door to the main hall and scanned the line of lockers. Her eyes were drawn to her own locker immediately and she clenched her jaw in irritation.

Any person who walked by would've noticed the irregularity – it was covered in graffiti written in neon spray paint. Some questionable fluid that looked a bit like salsa was oozing from the cracks.

Her dread deepened with each step she took toward the mess, her mind on her poor books that would no doubt be stained red once she got her hands on them.

_Damn. Those devils move fast._

Once she finally faced her locker, her lips were pressed in a thin line. She reached toward the combination lock and paused midway, grimacing at the strong scent of tomatoes.

When she opened her locker after twisting in the combination, she couldn't help but laugh.

In tomato juice, the word "loser" was painted in neat letters across the back of her locker, bluntly advertising their feelings about Sakura. To her surprise, there was a clean halo around her books, as if the pulp refused to come in contact with her textbooks.

Upon closer inspection, she noticed that the area had been carefully wiped with a tissue.

Sakura gently scoffed at the small show of kindness. So they acknowledged that she was a fellow female student after all.

However, the pictures of her friends that she stuck to the sides of her locker were written on with sharpie.

Sakura read them over, and soon enough, a grin spread across her face.

A peal of laughter escaped her lips as she read the comments pointing out how exactly how big Ino's ass was.

The tomato sauce didn't touch the pictures, so Sakura peeled them off and stuck them in her bag directly.

She emptied out the rest of her locker, ignoring the notes stashed in the corners - obviously hate notes from jealous fangirls - and walked out of the main building without a word.

A quarter of the way to the dorms, she pulled out the pictures and flipped through them.

The short walk had never been more amusing.

* * *

Ino's eyebrows rose with surprise as she regarded her seat partner. "Damn. I thought you wouldn't show your face today."

Naruto puffed up his chest in pride. "I handled it... like a LION."

There was about ten seconds of silence in which Ino just stared incredulously at the other blonde, her eyes screaming 'You-must've-bribed-your-teachers-to-pass-you-because-there's-no-way-you're-in-my-grade'.

Then Karen broke the silence, her eyes not leaving the novel in her hands. "You mean with your nostrils flared and drool leaking all over your..." She took a hand off her book to make air quotes, "Emergency ramen?"

Naruto flushed red and had to yell over Ino's guffaws for his voice to be heard. "I-I MEANT THE SIZE OF THE BALLS! THE BALLS!"

Anko, who was in the middle of a conversation with Kakashi, snapped her head in Naruto's direction. "NARUTO! SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR SODDING NONEXISTANT BALLS, OR I WILL PERSONALLY CASTRATE YOU. CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT I'M HAVING AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION WITH YOUR STUPID HOMEROOM TEACHER?"

Her voice made every soul in the room jump at the volume, and she added a glare at the end for emphasis before turning back to Kakashi, looking completely conversational again.

"Come now, Anko." Kakashi crinkled his visible eye. "I know you're not above threatening students, but... Stupid?"

"WHAT THE HELL, KAKASHI-SENSEI?" Naruto exclaimed, jumping up from his seat. "YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE FUTURE OF MY BALLS?

Anko stiffened and leered at the boy as a last warning.

Ino, being the closest to him, leapt up and grabbed Naruto's collar. She yanked him down without mercy and he landed clumsily in his chair.

Being the complete idiot he was, he opened his mouth to protest further, but Ino saw that coming and shoved the bagel she was previously snacking on into his mouth, effectively silencing him.

She hooked her arm around his neck and subdued him further, sending Anko a sweet smile.

Fortunately, the effort wasn't just on Ino - Kakashi was ushering the miffed woman out of the room with that soothing, placating tone of his. "See? They've got it all handled in here, Anko. Why don't we discuss this in the teacher's lounge...?"

Everyone seemed to listen closely, remaining in tense silence until their echoes of their voices and footsteps disappeared. Then, the room seemed to exhale as a whole and murmurs broke across the room all at once.

Ino took her arm back and leaned against her chair in irritation. "BA-KA."

Naruto had the decency to look indignant, but he was too busy trying not to choke on the bagel and couldn't argue.

"You made me waste my bagel, bitch," Ino grumbled, all while watching Naruto gulp down her breakfast.

The Uzumaki swallowed the last bit of bread with some difficulty and pouted, turning to another friend for support.

"Sakura-cha-a-a-a-an," he whined. "Ino's being unfair!"

Ino's jaw dropped and her eyebrows furrowed in disbelief and anger. "Oh hell no. NOT AFTER I SAVED YOU, YOU MAN-HOE."

The pink haired girl absentmindedly hummed in agreement, flipping to the next picture in her hand. The two blondes turned to Sakura, both wearing identically puzzled faces.

She was looking through a small stack of pictures, completely engrossed in the activity. A few were stuck inside the cover of her binder for display.

"What's up with Sakura?" Naruto asked.

His seat partner shrugged, a sour look suddenly appearing on her face. "She's looking through some dumb-ass pictures." She paused and then aimed an intense stare at Naruto. "My butt's not fat, is it?"

* * *

**Status Update from Ino:** "My ass is just too sexy for words. c;"

Tag: correctmeifuckingdareyou

**Comments:**

Karin: This is a minefield just waiting to go off.

Tenten: Ican'treadyourshit. Really. Is your spacebar like broken or something?

Ino: OMG SHUT UP. IT'S POPULAR NOW. GET WITH THE TIMES, TENTEN. THE TIMEEESSSSSSS.

* * *

7:48 A.M.

To: Sasuke the Bastard

Oi! Did you get Anko's message, dattebeyo?"

* * *

8:00 A.M.

From: Sasuke the Bastard

Yeah.

Who knew you were capable of getting up at such an early hour, dobe.

* * *

8:02 A.M.

To: Sasuke the Bastard

Shut up, you bastard! I can get up in the morning like everyone else.

You doubting my skills, bro? YOU DOUBTING MY SKILLS?

* * *

8:04 A.M.

From: Sasuke the Bastard

Bullshit. You can't get up without the promise of ramen, idiot.

* * *

8:07 A.M.

To: Sasuke the Bastard

Wha- SO? SO WHAT IF I NEED EXTRA ENCOURAGEMENT, HMMM?

OTHER PEOPLE DRINK COFFEE, I EAT MY RAMEN.

SO HA.

* * *

8:08 A.M.

From: Sasuke the Bastard

You have the mental capacity of a goldfish.

Did you forget about the message?

* * *

8:08 A.M.

To: Sasuke the Bastard

… Whut?

* * *

8:09 A.M.

From: Sasuke the Bastard

The one from ANKO, dumbass.

* * *

8:10 A.M.

To: Sasuke the Bastard

OH! OH! OH YEAH!

You going to that, Sasuke?

* * *

8:10 A.M.

From: Sasuke the Bastard

She threatened to skin us alive if we don't show.

* * *

8:125 A.M.

To: Sasuke the Bastard

Doesn't matter, 'cuz I'm goin' anyway! I get to dance with a pretty girl.

And you get to dance with Sakura-a-a-a-a~a.

Lucky bastard. -wink-

* * *

_-Beep-_

Naruto blinked as a new message appeared on his screen.

"Hm?"

_This person has blocked you from their contacts._

"SASUKE, YOU BASTARD!"

* * *

Sakura stood, her hands intertwined at her front. She watched with wide, attentive eyes as Anko stalked around the room.

Currently, Anko was teaching them how to dance. Waltzing, precisely, and for once, this was something that Sakura didn't mind learning.

Even if she had to spend her evening with Sasuke Uchiha.

Everyone was dressed casually, and Sakura herself wore the gray sweatpants she usually wore around the dorms.

She was, at the moment, regretting it as well, because her partner was wearing fancy pants and a formal, black collared shirt that made him look way more attractive than the average human being should be allowed. Standing next to each other, the contrast was almost ridiculous.

"YOU TWO!"

Sakura's eyes fluttered in surprise when she realized that Anko was standing before her and Sasuke, steely eyes chasing away any notion of disobedience.

_Shit. She's going to use us as the demonstration._

"FACE YOUR PARTNER."

Sakura flinched, desperately wishing that the purple-haired woman wouldn't yell so close to her ears. She complied, however, and found herself staring at her partner's chest.

_Was he always this tall?_

Anko, with a sadistic smirk, stuck a magazine into the empty space between them. "You must stand close enough to hold this magazine in place."

Sakura sent her teacher an alarmed look, and then she looked back at the flimsy magazine. Her mouth went dry, lips slightly agape in disbelief.

_Noooo... nonononono..._

**Do you want to learn how to fucking waltz or not, dipshit?**

Sakura held back a gasp at the nostalgic voice in her mind, but obediently followed, the first to approach the magazine and press her torso to it.

She glanced up at Sasuke and immediately regretted her decision. He was wearing a look of pure disdain, his eyes trained at the magazine.

As if he could make her disappear if he willed hard enough.

_Prick._

Sasuke's eyes slid up to meet hers, and pitch-black onyx clashed with brilliant jade.

It was only for a split second, but they exchanged arguments then. Sasuke argued that he would sooner throw himself into the path of a hurricane than dance with her. Sakura argued that he might as well, because Anko was perfectly capable of arranging that.

The corner of Sakura's mouth upturned when Sasuke sighed.

Even the great Sasuke Uchiha couldn't refute _that_ statement.

Without further resistance, Sasuke took a step forward and closed the distance. Simultaneously, his fangirls practically sucked out half the oxygen in the room.

Sakura cringed.

_Shi-i-i-i-i-i-it._

* * *

Tenten's mouth dropped open in absolute shock as her teammate missed the target for the umpteenth time.

Immediately, there was an eruption of protest from the t.v., and even Tenten herself threw her controller on the ground in frustration.

"YOU DOUCHEBAG, YOU FUCKING MISSED AGAIN!"

The sound of booing rumbled from the screen as the red "LOSER" sign appeared on the screen. Underneath, it listed all of Tenten's team members, and the number of points they lost to the opponent.

Tenten groaned and plopped to the ground, the heel of her hand pressed to her forehead. "No fucking way..."

The rest of her teammates raged, their uncensored words fouling up the very air. They all ganged up on the unfortunate soul that missed the shot.

Tenten pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation as she listened to the newbie whimper under all the hate piling up from all sides.

"I... I'm sorry...!"

"LIKE FUCKING HELL YOU ARE! THE MOTHERFUCKER WAS FIVE FEET AWAY! HOW THE HELL DO YOU MISS SOMETHING LIKE THAT?"

"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU AIMING?"

"FIRST YOU DIE LIKE TEN TIMES FALLING FOR THE MOST OBVIOUS TRICKS AND _NOW_ YOU CAN'T SHOOT?!"

Tenten grit her teeth at all the noise. "SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS!"

At her sharp command, the screen quieted again, though the anger still lingered over the group like a thick veil.

She calmly picked up her controller, clicked a few buttons, and swiftly kicked the agitator out of the team. The rest of her teammates gladly complied.

"THANK FUCKING KAMI-"

_Click._

Tenten scowled at the blackened screen, her finger lingering on the power button before she sighed and let herself fall back into the pink beanbag chair.

She reached back and pulled the ribbons out of her hair, the brown waves tumbling down her shoulders. Then, she stretched her limbs and rolled off the comfortable chair, splaying out face down on the floor carelessly.

She didn't move for a while, and didn't even flinch when the door opened and gently hit her on the ribs.

After a second, she heard someone enter the room, and the pressure on her ribs disappeared.

There was a light, feminine chuckle. "Was it rough today too?"

Tenten groaned into the carpet. "Sakura... Help me... The noobs are driving me insane. They can't tank for shit."

Obediently, she felt skilled hands press into the muscles on her back, kneading the tissue gently. Sakura's voice sounded distinctly amused. "I don't speak video games, Tenten."

"Sorry." The brunette lazily peeked at her friend, and a slow frown settled on her face. "What happened to your face?"

There were about five small bruises adorning her friend's face, complimented with a scratch or two.

Sakura grimaced. "Anko was teaching us how to waltz while avoiding flying projectiles, and she gave every partner a chance to throw shit at each other."

Tenten fixed a glare at the ground. "So... who the hell hit you?"

"Naruto." Then the pastel haired girl grinned in self satisfaction. "But I got him back."

* * *

Kiba strolled into the dorm and threw his phone on the bed. He glanced at his roomate in greeting. "Hey."

"... H-Hey Kiba...," Naruto mumbled messily, his swollen jaw keeping him from speaking properly.

The Inzuka's eyes widened and he did a double take at his blonde friend. "Holy... shit. What the fuck... happened?"

Naruto held the large ice pack to his head, his face the picture of wreckage.

He groaned.

"War."

* * *

"**Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be bastards." - An Eskimo Proverb**

**(A/N): A shoutout to princessoftheshadowsofdestiny for your support. C: Will you even read this? BAHAH I DON'T EVEN KNOW. **

… **I LOVE YOU ALL. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Guess who still doesn't own Naruto? Yeah. Me.**

**A/N: I'm like typing these fanfictions, I pause, I go, "Damn, I need friends," and then I resume. A day in the life, bros.**

* * *

Chapter 3: I'm Warning You - I Will Text You Some Strong Words

* * *

Sasuke watched the girl in front of him work, her emerald orbs focused on the piece of paper with more interest than she'd ever shown him. Her exotic colored hair framed her small face.

He watched warily as her hands reached up to comb her hair away from her eyes,

Girls only seemed to go two ways with him - they either loathed his very existence or they had an unearthly attraction to him.

Sakura, on the other hand, didn't fit into either category. She lingered in the middle, and that bothered him in ways he couldn't comprehend.

She wasn't as annoying as the other girls, and she was a fast learner.

She proved her worth during the projectile game that Anko so cruelly invented.

At first, they were completely out of sync - they were both furious at the dobe, who was laughing his dick off in the corner while flinging random objects without reason nor rhyme.

A few minutes of this and they both had enough. They exchanged glances and suddenly stepped into sync. They moved like water, fluidly gliding across the floor and shamelessly using other couples as cover.

They only garnered a few scratches, and Sasuke saw the girl in a new light.

Sakura's opinion of him didn't seem to change, however, and she pulled herself away as quickly as possible once they finished. She was much more focused on her victory against Naruto than anything else.

It left the Uchiha feeling slightly disgruntled, because he always seemed to be the center of attention for all the girls he'd met.

And strangely enough, he also felt the sting of defeat under the dobe's hands.

Sasuke sneered at the thought of losing to the blonde idiot, and gave his partner another look over.

"Sakura, right?"

This statement surprised both of them, the said girl looking up from the documents in alarm, and Sasuke simultaneously turned to avoid her gaze. He seemed infuriated at himself for even speaking up.

Sakura blinked. "Y-Yeah." After a moment of hesitation, she directed a grin at him for the first time. "And here I thought you were incapable of verbal communication."

Dark eyes focused on the floor, Sasuke grunted, halting the flow of conversation.

Sakura laughed through her nose, expecting just as much, and returned to her previous task. She finished the last problem and slid the paper over to the brooding male.

"Tell Naruto that he owes me a trip to the Amusement Park for doing his English translations, yeah?"

* * *

Sakura made her way through the halls with purpose, her stride not fast enough to be considered a run, but not slow enough to be considered a walk. She held an intimidating stack of papers in her arms, leafing through a few as she went.

A few people nearly ran into her, but she always managed to swerve around at the last second, never once looking up from her work.

That is... until a cleanly manicured hand slammed itself on top of her stack.

Sakura rolled her eyes at the pink glitter.

**Kami fucking damn, are you serious?**

She looked up to see about four girls lined up like a wall, effectively blocking her way. Her jade eyes fell on the pretty blonde invading her personal space and offered a tight smile. "I like your nails."

**MOVE YOUR FUCKING ASSES, YOU DAMN HOES.**

The blonde, probably the one who set this whole thing up, leaned forward until they were uncomfortably close. Sakura's nose twitched at the faint scent of vanilla perfume.

"Where do you think you're going, _bitch_?"

The girl even made a popping noise with her 'b', slowly enunciating "bitch" for emphasis.

_Oh Kami._

This girl actually used to have class with Sakura in AP Biology - Satsuna Ohino. She was a very bright girl, and highly agreeable. That is, until she started obsessing over her "Sasuke-kun".

It was all downhill after her addiction developed and she was kicked out of the class before she could steal her first Uchiha gym shirt.

Poor girl.

"Satsuna-san, please let me through," Sakura sighed. "I have to get these tests to Kakashi-sensei."

Satsuna grinned cruelly, her hand pushing down a little harder on the stack of papers. "And wouldn't it be a shame if this orderly pile fell apart?"

In a split second, Sakura's expression darkened. Her eyes clouded over with something dark and foreboding. Her small, petite figure looked every bit capable of inflicting harm.

Satsuna's eyes dilated like a deer in headlights, and she took a shaky step back. "Y-You-"

"What's going on?"

The deep, masculine voice penetrated the atmosphere, dispersing the murderous aura.

The fangirls all squeaked in surprise, an inch away from pissing their pants in fright.

Sakura's eyes fluttered as a gentle hand settled on her shoulder, pulling her out of her stupor. She arched her neck back and smiled in greeting. "Ohayo, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi's lone eye creased warmly. "I was wondering what was taking you."

His pupil turned to look at her previous obstruction, only to observe them disappear around a corner in frenzied escape. A pleased, "Oh!" escaped her lips, and she beamed happily at her newly cleared path. "Thank you, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi sighed, his hand falling from its protective position on her shoulder. "This is about Anko's new 'project', isn't it?"

Sakura shrugged. "I guess." Then she grinned. "But don't worry, sensei - I can handle this."

She laughed, and then seemed to remember something. "Oh yeah," she chirped, turning so her whole body faced him. "This is yours."

Without warning, she dropped the stack of papers into his hands. "Tsunade-sama said to have all 500 of those sorted out by tomorrow!"

The silver haired teacher sweatdropped at the impossible amount of work. "... Well damn."

* * *

**Status Update from Ino Yamanaka: **"You hoes better stay away from Billboard-head, 'else you're gonna answer to ME. -tough face-"

Tag: Das right, das right I SAW EVERYTHING

**Comments:**

**Tenten:** Hells yeah. I've got my scissors, bitches.

**Ino: **WE CAN TAKE 'EM.

**Karin:** But don't get suspension, retards. Keep it in the dark.

**Tenten: **LOOL. Can do.

**Sakura:** Pig... did you just update your status rather than help me?

**Ino:** ... I GOTCHO BACK, GIRL.

**Sakura:** FUCKING.

**Sakura: **PIG.

**Hinata: **We... we'll all help out Sakura-chan...! .

**Ino: **Awww, Hina-chan, you're such a sweetheart. -smilessss-

**Ino:** ... Sakura just texted me some strong language. PROTECT ME, KARIN.

* * *

Sakura pulled her red-headed friend to a halt outside the student council room door.

"It's great that you wanted to escort me - it's really nice of you," Sakura started, her furrowed eyebrows betraying the disbelief she felt at the ridiculous situation. "But is a bodyguard really necessary?"

Karin listened with a cold silence that wasn't directed at her bubblegum haired friend. Her jaw tightened with barely concealed anger. "I don't think you realize how much those bitches piss me off."

Sakura's gaze melted into one of complete empathy. "I'm with you one hundred percent there, but they're acting on panicked impulse - they think they're losing their most precious possession, and they don't know any other easy way to resolve their problem."

Fiery amber eyes glinted with skepticism. "You realize they ganged up on you, right? If they wanted to rape you, they could've totally pulled it off."

Sakura blinked in shock, as if she was doused in cold water.

"Did you just insinuate that I could be gangbanged?"

Karin sniffed and shot one last scathing glare at the closed door. "Fine - but if anything happens, tell us immediately, alright?"

The shorter girl nodded tersely, still recovering from her shock. "Y-yeah.".

After her protective friend stalked off, Sakura opened the door to the student council room. Suddenly, a strong, forceful grip pulled her inside and a loud, mature voice boomed in her ear. "AND THE LAST VICTIM HAS ARRIVED!"

Sakura's mouth hung open in pain as she willed the ringing in her ears to subside.

_Anko's voice in your ear would be such a rude wake-up call._

Sakura was roughly forced into the chair beside the lavender haired instructor. Looking up, she realized that everyone else was already present, and they all seemed equally confused as to what Anko's... very _vocal_... excitement was about.

"Prepare yourselves, scum," Anko grinned, her canines showing. "BECAUSE WE'RE GOING ON AN OVERNIGHT FIELD TRIP!"

* * *

**From:** Anko-sama

**To:** The little monsters

**Subject:** ROAD TRIP

The purpose of this road trip is to strengthen the bonds with your partner. It's going to be a five day trip up the mountains, so leave your g-strings and man-panties behind.

No one wants to see that shit, kids.

We will stay in cabins and go through many friendship-building exercises that I'm sure every one of you will just _love_.

We meet TONIGHT, in front of the Academy, so tell this to all your little friends and make sure you've got all your shit together by 9:00 P.M., Kay?

No, you're _not _spending the night with your partners - you may only stay with those of the same gender. We don't want your little spawns running around after this trip, now do we? Choose one roommate and only with those your own gender. Check in with me and I'll sign you off.

You can bring whatever shit you need to live. Don't forget anything, because I don't want you to come whining to me later. I will not give a _single shit_ about how you forgot your curler at home.

_**NO FUNNY BUSINESS ON THIS TRIP, BECAUSE I KNOW WHERE YOU ALL LIVE**_.

We'll be back exactly 5 days later, 9:00 P.M.

You don't make it on time, we _will_ leave without you.

Sincerely,

Just-try-and-pull-stupid-shit-while-I'm-alive

Anko

* * *

The Hyuuga heiress glanced back at Sakura worriedly. The pink haired girl took Hinata's heavy suitcase without saying a word, winked, and started the trek upward. It had been only five minutes since they started the hiking portion of the trip and Hinata already felt weak.

"Leave it to me, Hina-chan," Sakura giggled, her face strangely calm despite her pack mule status. "I know that you faint when you overexert yourself."

Now, the "pack mule" waved at Hinata, her face the picture of relaxation as she trudged up the side of the mountain with two large suitcases on her back and obvious perspiration on her face.

"S... Sakura-chan..."

"Hey Hinata-chan. What's bothering you, dattebeyo?"

Hinata's head snapped to the side with wide eyes, her hair sharply whipping across her shoulder. She felt the blood rushing to her face.

"N-Naruto-kun!" she gasped, a hand over her heart. "Y-You frightened me...!"

Naruto chuckled at her flush and scratched the back of his head. "Gomen, Hinata-chan, but you looked upset."

Without thinking, the shy heiress blurted, "I-it's Sakura-chan! She's carrying all my things for me, and I feel horrible for making her carry so much...!" Hinata quickly stopped herself, pressing a damper to her burst of emotion. Her face grew even warmer, if possible, and she wished with all her might that she could just disappear.

She hid her face behind her hands, appalled.

Of all the times to lose it...!

"Gosh, Hinata-chan," Naruto laughed. "You sure care about your friends, don't you? Sakura volunteered to help you didn't she? And look - Sasuke looks like he's going to help."

Hinata drew her hands away from her eyes to look at Naruto, who sported a bright, comforting fox-like grin. Looking back, Sasuke was by Sakura's side, and though they both looked equally irritated, she could feel the friendship radiating in the air around them.

She looked back at Naruto, marveling at his smile. How was he so confident all the time? How did he know the right things to say when she was upset?

She slowly smiled back, her stomach fluttering with light happiness. "Arigato, Naruto-kun."

At this, Naruto's ears started to darken to a blazing red, and he quickly turned so that he was facing forward again. "N-No problem, Hinata."

Hinata blinked in surprise when she heard his voice crack in nervousness, and burst into giggles.

How can _one guy_ be so perfect?

* * *

_How can __**one guy**__ be so fucking perfect?_

Sakura glared bitterly at Sasuke's outstretched hand, not making any move to give him what he was asking for.

"I don't need your help, Sasuke."

That was like the tenth time she'd said it, and her partner just wasn't getting the hint.

Sasuke wasn't having it either, and his whole stature screamed impatience and agitation. Without warning, he shifted his weight and firmly kicked her in the ankle.

Sakura almost bit her tongue at the pain he sent flaring up her leg, and she couldn't stop herself from falling to one knee. "FUCK...!"

Her inner was cursing up a storm in her mind, and Sakura's whole leg felt like jelly.

_How the hell did he know I twisted that ankle?_

It was only thing that hindered her the whole trip. The luggage could have been handled if it wasn't for the swollen atrocity hidden under her socks.

"I saw your leg twist, you idiot," Sasuke hissed, not showing a bit of remorse for kicking down the wounded. "Now give that bag to me before you make it worse."

"Fuck you, Uchiha," Sakura ground back, struggling to stand up again. "I can fucking handle this, okay?"

Sasuke grit his teeth. "You're too damn stubborn, Sakura."

The pink haired girl wasn't fazed by his insults, and continued to trek forward, her jaw tightly set.

"Fine," Sasuke spat. He'd had enough of that hard-headed bitch, and he was moving on with his life. "Suit yourself."

In response, Sakura stuck her tongue out at him and started to jog.

An eye twitched. Provoked from being left behind, Sasuke scowled and broke out into a faster jog, intending to beat her to the chase.

No way in hell was he going to lose to some girl with unnaturally feminine hair and a lame ankle.

* * *

**Status Update from Hinata Hyuuga:** "Sakura's been pouting for the past half hour."

Tag: Hehehe, Sakura Haruno, cute

**Comments:**

**Tenten:** Lolwat.

**Hinata: **Sakura-chan fell down while she was running with suitcases... And Sasuke-san ended up carrying all her things for her.

**Naruto: **HAHAHAHA WHO KNEW TEME WAS CAPABLE OF KINDNESS, DATTEBEYO?

**Ino:** WHAT THE FUCK. WHY DIDN'T I SIGN UP FOR STUDENT COUNCIL? I WOULD'VE BEEN ALL OVER THAT SHIT, GIRL.

**Karin:** Nice to know we still have someone looking over our Sakura even when we're not there.

**Sakura:** It was so damn humiliating. That bastard still made it to the finish line before I did.

**Ino:** HOW CAN YOU BE UPSET? A HUNK HELPED YOU WITH YOUR STUFF. DID YOU SEE HIS MUSCLES FLEX? OMGOMGOMG.

**Sakura:** ... Pig, you're hopeless.

**Tenten:** Calm yo tits, Ino.

**Ino:** Well _excuse me_ for having normal hormones. What, do you have like penile dysfunction or something?

**Ino:** ... I mean... For ovaries.

**Tenten:** OHHHHHKAY...?

**Karin:** Once Ino starts talking about genitals, the convo has gone too far. We're done here.

**Ino:** NONONONO I TAKE IT BACK NOOOOO! /LOVEMEEEEEEEE

* * *

**"It is a queer thing, but imaginary troubles are harder to bear than actual ones." - Dorothy Dix**

**A/N: My train of thought is so crooked. I hope it doesn't confuse anyone. xD**

**Anyway, I LOVE YOU ALL, AND... THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT. **

**LOVE. LOVE FOR EVERYONE. **

**I swear, I will single you out and tell you I love you. Because I do.**


End file.
